Wait, what did he just sing?

Listen to the radio much lately? If you said yes, then you might be like me, looking quizzically towards your stereo thinking “I couldn’t possibly have just heard that...on the RADIO!”

It seems to me sometimes that our line of what is appropriate for public consumption keeps slipping. In the past you had to go and show your id in order to buy the CD’s with the questionable lyrics, but now they are on the radio for all to hear and be offended by.

And I’m not just talking about swear words, I mean all the lyrics about sex and drugs and drinking. Just listen to a Lady Gaga or Katy Perry song if you’re not sure what I’m talking about.

Now, I’m not a prude when it comes to music. I actually like Lady Gaga’s songs (….cough, don’t tell anyone!). But I think there is a level of what is appropriate for our kids to be listening to.

My son was in football this summer and for half time the cheerleaders would do a dance routine to Katy Perry’s California Gurrls. Keep in mind that these girls are in junior high. Now do you think it’s okay for them to be dancing to lyrics such as: ...sippin’ gin and juice...or... sex on the beach, we don’t like sand in our stilettos…?

Sorry, but can’t they find a song that isn’t about drinking and having sex? Maybe I am just too old fashioned. What do you think? Are we sexing up our kids with these songs, or is it okay? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Cell Phone or no Cell Phone...That is the Question.

If you are my age or older, cell phones are a fairly recent occurrence in your life. I didn’t have a cell phone until I had my second child. Then it was simply a safety device to keep with me in case my car broke down.

I only recently even started texting. Cell phones have changed from big and clunky things that only investment bankers carried to smaller than a deck of cards and something everyone over the age of ten seems to have.

We use our cell phones for everything now, from finding out movie times to emailing. In fact the calling part seems incidental to the phone.

My husband and I had decided that we would not allow our sons to have cell phones until they were old enough to have a job and pay for it themselves. We stood firm by this decision for years of whining and pleading and “but everyone in my class has one!” We did not relent. Last year my oldest even wrote us a letter outlining all the reasons why it was a smart thing for him to have a cell phone. We patted him on the head and said “good effort, but no.”

But this spring he called us both into the living room and had us watch the power point presentation he had created on why he should have one. We told him no, then talked without him around to see if we were being unrealistic.

In thinking through the situation we decided that he had brought up some valid reasons as to why a cell phone would be a good idea. And we also talked about how it is a different world now than from when we were teens.

This is not to say that every parent should run out and get their junior high student a cell phone. It is totally a personal decision based on your individual family needs whether or not your child should have one. But if you do bite the bullet and get a cell for your “tween”, here are some good guidelines for managing the situation.

When we gave our son his phone we told him that the phone was not his. It was ours and we were being kind enough to let him use it. We have limits on when he can call (absolutely not during school, dinner time, church, or after 9:00 pm). He has limited minutes for calling, but unlimited texting, so we encourage him to text only and use the house phone for talking. And he can lose the cell phone for any length of time depending on grades and behavior.

We also do not allow him to delete any of his texts. When his inbox gets full he brings it to me and I peruse the texts and delete them for him. I tell him that he should not ever text anything that he wouldn’t be comfortable with me reading. Which is a pretty good rule of thumb.

So far it’s working out well. Some parents might think that going through their child’s texts is an invasion of privacy, but I feel that if you let them know up front, then there is not an issue of spying.

In looking through my son’s texts I have learned a lot about his relationships that he might not have otherwise told me. Then I can bring it up so we can talk about it.

The truth is that if we don’t monitor our children’s online interactions we might be missing out on important issues that need to be discussed.

Remember, you are the parent. You are in control.

Group Dating

My oldest son just started junior high this year and a couple of Saturdays ago he nearly stopped my heart when he said, “Mom? I need to talk to you about something.”

I plastered on my “calm face” and said “Sure honey,” while inside my mind was racing trying to figure out what he might need to say. Was it drugs? Sex? Alcohol? Bullying? What?! Luckily, I dismissed most of those out of hand, and was rewarded when all my son really wanted was to know if he could go to the movies with a group of friends. Of course, when I asked who was going he casually mentioned the name of the girl he has been interested in. I know this because I routinely ask him if there is anyone at school that he likes.

I’m not going to lie, my first reaction was “NO!” I mean, he’s my baby! And he wants to go out with some girl?

Fortunately my husband was able to talk me down and we decided that going to the movies with a group of friends is a great, low pressure way for him to get to know this girl. We talked about the movie choice and what we expected his behavior to be. I also talked to him about boundaries and he suggested that his boundary be holding hands.

He had a great time and I felt good about giving him the space and the information to be able to make healthy choices for himself.

Although he did say the movie wasn’t very good, but they can’t all be gems!

PDA...isn't that a phone or something?

I’m sure you’ve been there, in a restaurant, or a grocery store and there they are. You want to shout at them to get a room and quit groping each other in public, but instead you just glare disapprovingly and move on.

Public Displays of Affection, better known in the schools as PDA’s are a big part of teen lives. And the line of what is acceptable and what isn’t seems to move depending on location and who is around.

So should parents have a role in deciding what is appropriate behavior for their teens in public places? Seems like a trick question, right? But unfortunately most parents count on schools and businesses addressing this topic so they never weigh in.

I feel that it is important to read through your student’s school handbook and find the chapter on PDA’s then sit down and have a talk with your child. Find out how they feel about seeing fellow students kiss, or hug, or even cuddle in school. Do they feel it’s appropriate? Does it make them uncomfortable? You might be surprised at their answers. Suggest to them that if they would be uncomfortable watching the behavior, or having you watch the behavior, then it probably isn’t appropriate.

We as parents need to take back our authority and stop assuming that our schools and teachers will address all these sensitive subjects. They will address them, but are they saying the same thing that you would, or is the message very different?

If you would like help on how to talk to your teen, sign up for a parent workshop

@ www.FbxStepUpNow.com or call us at 452-SUN1

We currently have two workshops scheduled for September 25th at 10:00am and 2:00pm.