Curfew. Isn't that old fashioned?

If the word curfew takes you immediately back to shows like Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best, then either you watch a lot of Nick at Night, or you’re really old!

But seriously, setting a curfew for your teen is one of the most important safety measures you can take. A good reason to have your teen home and safe at a reasonable time is supported by a Harvard University study. It found that peak drunk driving hours are from 1am to 3pm, and that 25% of people on the road are estimated to have been drinking. Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine add: Teens who think their parents are good at monitoring are the same teens who think sex is not a good idea at this time in their lives, and are less likely to intentionally pursue a sexual relationship. Suddenly a curfew not only seems like a good idea, but a necessity.

Some teens may balk at the idea of a curfew, especially if their boundaries have been very loose in the past, but this is one instance that putting your foot down is very appropriate. A good idea is to have a two-way conversation with your teen and explain to them the reasons you have for setting a curfew and then work with them on setting the time. If after negotiations your teen still does not agree with your time or with the curfew at all, you as the parent still have the final say.

Is your teen ready to date?

If that title just sent you into cardiac arrest, relax, you are not alone. Parents everywhere start to panic even when their teens try to mention dating, but it doesn’t need to be a crisis situation. We have some helpful tips and information that can prepare you to navigate the tricky waters of your child’s dating years.

First of all, this is not a situation where you can afford to put your head in the sand and think that if you ignore it, it will go away. Teens need you as the parent to help them set their boundaries. Rules are important because they help teens to feel safe. Communication is KEY!

When your child first comes to you with the information that they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, we recommend that you sit down with them and ask what their definition of the word is. Depending on their age, it could have a lot of different meanings.

You will need to decide what is appropriate behavior for your child and then clearly define your expectations for them. If you want them to wait until they are married to have sex, then tell them so. After all, they can’t read your mind. Also, beware of sending mixed messages with talk of contraception. When teens hear: I want you to wait until you are married to have sex, but if you do have sex, please use a condom. All they hear is: Use a condom and you can have sex.

When it comes to setting an age that your teen is ready to date...there isn’t a magical number that works for everyone. Be careful not to say when your child is younger “When you turn 16, you can date.” Because your child still may not be mature enough at age 16. Instead tell them that when you feel they have shown that they are mature enough to deal with the issues that come along with dating, then you will sit down with them and discuss it.

Remember, you are the biggest influence in your teen’s life. Don’t be afraid to set the bar high for them and with your help, they can reach it!

They Really Are Different

This week we have been doing some research on how boys and girls brains’ are very different. Some might say, “Well of course they are!” But for years scientists thought there were no differences in the actual physical makeup of a male verses a female brain. It was also thought that the tendencies boys have to play with trucks and dinosaurs were only because their parents gave them those types of toys instead of dolls. Now according to a book called Why Gender Matters, by Dr. Leonard Sax MD, scientists have found major differences in how boys and girls think, in the actual makeup of their brains, eyes, and even their ears.

Many boys in first and second grade were diagnosed with ADD. A recent study has shown that boys actually are somewhat hard of hearing compared to girls. It found that boys, that sit towards the back of the classroom and are chastised for not staying focused, were actually just having a hard time hearing. Girls on the other hand may feel as if they are being shouted at when a male teacher is simply speaking in what he considers a normal tone of voice.

Their eyes are also very different: girls have receptors in their eyes that look at “What is it?” while boys eyes are made to see “Where is it, where is it going?” So when little girls draw a picture, they tend to draw nouns, like families, flowers, and houses, while boys draw verbs, like a rocket ship crashing into earth. The girl’s picture will have lots of warm colors, while the boys may use only one color like black, or gray. If they look at simple things so differently, how do they look at sex different from each other?

Dr. Leonard Sax, MD points out: “In one major study, girls didn’t even list sexual arousal as a reason for having sex. Teenage Girls have sex for other reasons. Girls may hope that having sex will earn them points in the popularity contest, or they may just want to please the boy they are hooking up with, or they may feel pressured either by the boy or by other girls who are having sex”. In regards to boys the author further states: “Boys usually answer the question with a snort. ‘Why wouldn’t I have sex?’ Boys want to have sex because they feel sexually aroused. Simple, base-of-the-brain motivation.”

Why does it matter?

Most people tend to overlook the emotional consequences involved in having pre-marital sex, but these can be just as devastating as an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. In the past people may have thought that there were more consequences for the girls than for the boys, but a study shows that boys who are sexually active are 8 times more likely to commit suicide than those who are not, while a girl who is sexually active is three times more likely to commit suicide than a girl who is abstinent. (Rector RE, et al. The Heritage Foundation 2005)

Here at Step Up Now, we want to ensure both boys and girls are presented the information to make the healthiest decision about sex and relationships in ways that they both can easily understand. We also know that the emotional affects of having sex too soon impacts boys and girls in different, but equally harmful ways.

We believe that equipping both the parent and the student with all the facts about sex and the consequences will empower teens to make the healthiest choice for their goals and their futures.

What Were They Thinking?

If you are talking about a teenager, the answer is: they probably weren’t. New studies have shown that the adolescent brain is far from fully developed until the person reaches their mid twenties. The part that seems the most underdeveloped during that period is the cerebellum where the reasoning and logic skills take place. So instead of teenagers using reason and logic when they make a decision, they use their feelings as they tend to think mostly out of the amygdala where feelings are centered. So to a teen the mantra is “If it feels good, do it!” The truth is that parents are needed to provide support for their teens when it comes to logic and reasoning until their brains are fully formed and all the connections and synapses are made. We here at Step Up Now can provide parents with up to date, medically accurate information to equip them to talk to their kids about the risks associated with pre-marital sex.

We provide Parent Presentations and parent support groups that cover the Big Talk book. If you are interested in attending a support group or presentation, or if you would like to set one up for your church, or organization, please call our Program Specialist, Samantha Alexander at 452-7859 or email her at: sam@akSUNspot.com