Step Up Now - How we have grown!

When I look at our program today I am so excited to see all the milestones we have passed and all the change that happens on a day to day basis.

I started working for Step Up Now last March, sharing a cramped office and dreaming about our new office space that was being renovated. Now I sit in a spacious office, right next to a huge teen friendly center complete with it’s own soon to be coffee bar.

But more than the physical facility improvements, we have seen some exciting growth in the number of youth that we reach with our message of healthy relationship choices. The first year of our grant we presented to a total 990 youth and this year we are only 6 months into our grant year and so far we have presented to approximately 1,652 youth.

More and more schools are allowing us to come in and present to health classes and we have even branched out and done presentations in English classes including doing an Abstinence Debate with a senior debate class at North Pole High.

For the debate the teacher, Liz Coghill, gave her students two weeks to research their argument which was to be pro-sex before marriage, then I would come and argue the abstinence side. Just during the research time many students came to Ms. Coghill and asked if they could switch sides because it was difficult to find arguments that proved sex outside of marriage was healthy.

On the day of the debate, I was very nervous as I was going against an entire class. But thanks to my co-workers who helped me prepare by doing a mock debate with me, it went great. By the end of the class period the opposition was completely silent. One student even said “I can’t even make fun of you.” He told me that my argument completely changed his mind about sex before marriage and that he was going to get tested for STD’s. I saw him two weeks later in the hallway and when I asked him what he was doing, he put his fist in the air proudly displaying our bracelet and said “I’m being abstinent!”

Our mentoring program is also changing lives not only of all the junior high students we meet with in our after school programs, but of our peer mentors as well. One wonderful young lady we have as a volunteer told us that our program and what she has learned here has completely changed her life. She now urges her friends to change their own lives and frequently brings them to our center to have them learn all the skills and statistics that she has learned.

Everyday we see our impact on the youth we work with, and it truly is an incentive to keep moving forward.

Spice - Herbal or Harmful?

If you tend to think of garlic powder or thyme when you hear the word “spice” you aren’t the only one, but unfortunately that might not be what your teen thinks of. Spice is a new “herbal” drug that is on the market and is readily available in the U.S. So what is this spice all about? Allow me to explain.

Spice is a mixture of herbs that has been sold in Europe and Canada since 2002 as an incense as well as over the internet as an “herbal smoking blend”. It is supposed to offer cannabis-like effects slightly more subtle than marijuana.

The manufacturers claim that the ingredients are all natural herbs and are harmless, but some independent laboratories have analyzed the product and found no traces of the herbs listed on the package, instead they find 1,1-dimethyloctyl homologue of the substance CP 47,497 which is a synthetic substance that is similar to the active ingredient in cannabis. A German laboratory has stated that this synthetic ingredient makes smoking a package of spice comparable to smoking an entire pack of cigarettes.

As for the high that is attained by smoking spice, that is a whole other issue. Some state that smoking spice makes colors, sounds, patterns and textures more heightened to the senses as well as offering a feeling of calm relaxation without the paranoia that pot can offer. So what is the harm?

Well in Indiana where this drug can be legally bought and sold, although it is illegal to smoke it (the jars are stamped with the slogan: not for human consumption) hospitals have been dealing with patients coming in and complaining of the following side effects:

• anxiety
• pale skin
• numbness and tingling
• rapid pulse (110-150 beats/minute)
• elevated blood pressure (140-160/100-110 mmHg)
• vomiting
• agitation
• hallucination
• drowsiness
• slurred speech
• dilated pupils
• low potassium levels
• eye swelling, tremors and seizures

But possibly the biggest concern with the spice drug is that since it is not manufactured here in the U.S. there is no regulation or inspection of the ingredients. We can’t control how much of these synthetic drugs are in it, and since these synthetic drugs are new there is no research on the long term effects.

The bottom line is that this so-called alternative to marijuana can be very dangerous and unfortunately even though it has been “banned” in the U.S. for human consumption you can still purchase it both online and in pipe and tobacco stores as an “incense”. Drug tests do not look for this type of drug as it is so new and very hard to trace.

You may need to sit down with your teen and ask them if they have heard of this drug and what they think about it. Do some research and list out all the dangers that are involved in smoking spice and have an open and honest conversation with your teen about your expectations for them.

Remember, your kids do listen to you and you are the biggest influence they have in their lives. Use it wisely.

We all know that it can be very dangerous for teens to experiment with alcohol, but it may have more effects than most parents think about. SADD reports: Three out of every four students (75%) have consumed alcohol (more than just a few sips) by the end of high school.

That means that this is an issue we all need to be aware of. Not only can alcohol impair judgment and dull reflexes but it can also help to lower inhibitions to an alarming level. Statistics from a CASA Report (Court Appointed Special Advocacy Association) found that teenagers who have been drinking are seven times more likely to have sex than those who are sober. If your teen’s intention is to wait until marriage to have sex then this is an issue that could completely sidetrack their goals.

Many parents set high expectations for their children in so many areas of their lives such as grades, no drug use, no traffic violations, and waiting for sex, but they think nothing of their teen attending a party where there will be beer or other forms of alcohol. The truth is that alcohol can be very damaging, not only to your teen’s body, but to their goals and aspirations for their lives.

If you want your teen to succeed and not have to deal with harmful consequences, put your foot down when it comes to underage drinking.

Summer is here; do you know where your teen is?

Here in Fairbanks we have some of the most beautiful summers in the world. (That is, as long as it isn’t smoky, or rainy all summer.) But while we may cherish our midnight sun, there are some problems that can go along with it, especially if you have a teenage son or daughter.

Many Fairbanks families try to pack so much activity into the summer time that it seems to fly by way too fast and this can really put stress on a family. With soccer practice, football, camping, fishing, and hunting, teens can feel overwhelmed and they can also feel cut off from their friends.

Some parents will compensate for this by allowing their teen to basically be out all night. The fact that the sun is still up may trick us into thinking that there isn’t any harm in our teen being out at three in the morning...after all, there is still daylight!

This can be very dangerous. Remember in our last newsletter I mentioned that a Harvard University study showed that 25% of people driving between 1am and 3am have been drinking. Also, if you are working with your teen to help them reach their goal of waiting to have sex before marriage, then having them out completely unsupervised can be very dangerous.

Most parents would simply say that they trust their child and he/she would never get into trouble. Well the truth is that even the “best” kids sometimes make bad decisions that can have life altering affects.

The best way to protect our teens is to be an involved parent. Set limits for them and follow through with consequences if the limits are crossed. Our teens want and need discipline and will actually respect a parent more for setting rules and boundaries for them. It seems that many parents today are caught up with the idea that they need to be their child’s friend. This is not healthy! Your child has many friends. What they need is a parent! Step up and set higher standards for your child…they may surprise you.

And they call it puppy love.

Have you heard this before: “But Mom, I love him,”? And have you given in to the temptation to roll your eyes in disbelief? I think that as parents we all fall into dismissing our teens feelings out of hand. We have good reason to doubt the depth of their feelings, last week she may have loved someone else, and hated this particular boy. But the one thing that we need to avoid is making our teens feel like we don’t believe them, or don’t understand them. We all want to be validated in life, so we need to offer that to our
children as well.

The key is to let your son or daughter know that you understand what they are going through, and that for teens these emotions seem to be amplified until they overshadow everything else that is going on in their lives. The reason for this is that the teen brain is not finished maturing and developing until they are in their middle twenties. The part of their brain that they do the most of their reasoning in is actually the part of the brain that feels emotion. Teens don’t necessarily think something through, they feel something through.

You also don’t necessarily want to go too far the other way and indulge your teen into thinking this relationship is the major focus of their lives. A balance needs to be struck on validating your teen yet not over indulging them. Remember, you were young once too, and wanted to be respected. So make sure you show the same respect to your teen.

How dating savvy are you?

1. At what age would you let your teen start dating?

a. Possibly when they are 35. Possibly.

b. When they show maturity in other aspects of their lives and I feel like they can handle a relationship.

c. They’ve been dating since kindergarten.

2. What are your expectations of your teen’s boyfriend/girlfriend?

a. I have them do a thorough background check including credit and any criminal record.

b. That they hold the same
values and goals that are important to my family.

c. That they show up and have a pulse.

3. Do you insist on meeting your teen’s date before they go out?

a. Yes, we do a lie detector test as an ice breaker.

b. Yes, I like to have them in for an informal get to know you.

c. Nah...they usually just honk from the curb and my kid goes running.

4. Do you know where your teens go on their dates?

a. Yes...I go with them.

b. Yes, I always make sure to know their plans ahead of time.

c. No, they’re out the door
before I even think to ask.

5. Do you wait up for your teen?

a. I just said I was on the date with them, we are home by 8:30 so they can get proper rest.

b. Yes, no matter how tired I am I like to talk with them about how their evening went.

c. I have no idea what time they get in, I’m usually asleep.

6. Have you spoken with your teen about setting boundaries?

a. Of course, they aren’t even allowed to hold hands, and I make sure they stick to it!

b. Yes, we sat down and talked about what limits they should set. I advised them but they picked their own boundaries.

c. Too awkward, they’ll figure it out on their own.

7. Have you talked to your kids about abstinence?

a. Absolutely, in fact I’m
looking into chastity belts online.

b. Yes, I’ve made sure they know that I expect them to wait to have sex until they are married.

c. I’ve mentioned it, but I also told them that if they couldn’t wait to make sure they use protection.

8. If you are single yourself, are you practicing healthy dating habits of your own?

a. I wouldn’t even think about dating until my child has finished college.

b. Yes, I make sure my first priority is my child, but I am looking for a healthy relationship and do practice
abstinence myself.

c. Sure! I date all the time and always make sure my date pays!

9. Does your teen feel comfortable in coming to you with any dating questions or problems?

a. Of course, I am a very understanding person!! Why do you ask? Did they say something?

b. We talk a lot. I try to make it very easy for them to come to me.

c. I hardly ever see my teen, let alone talk to them!

Answers:

If you answered mostly A’s:

You may need to scale back a bit as there is a fine line between attentive parent and overbearing jailor. You definitely take an interest in your child’s life, but may need to help empower them to make some of their own decisions.

If you answered mostly B’s:

You are a well rounded parent who keeps a good balance between being an authority figure and letting your child learn how to be independent. You do a great job of keeping the lines of communication open while still establishing trust.

If you answered mostly C’s:

You may need to do a little more active parenting in order to help your teen navigate the tricky waters of dating. Remember, your teen is new to all this and can really use your insight and advice. You also might want to try to look at your own dating life to make sure you are setting a good example.

Curfew. Isn't that old fashioned?

If the word curfew takes you immediately back to shows like Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best, then either you watch a lot of Nick at Night, or you’re really old!

But seriously, setting a curfew for your teen is one of the most important safety measures you can take. A good reason to have your teen home and safe at a reasonable time is supported by a Harvard University study. It found that peak drunk driving hours are from 1am to 3pm, and that 25% of people on the road are estimated to have been drinking. Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine add: Teens who think their parents are good at monitoring are the same teens who think sex is not a good idea at this time in their lives, and are less likely to intentionally pursue a sexual relationship. Suddenly a curfew not only seems like a good idea, but a necessity.

Some teens may balk at the idea of a curfew, especially if their boundaries have been very loose in the past, but this is one instance that putting your foot down is very appropriate. A good idea is to have a two-way conversation with your teen and explain to them the reasons you have for setting a curfew and then work with them on setting the time. If after negotiations your teen still does not agree with your time or with the curfew at all, you as the parent still have the final say.

Is your teen ready to date?

If that title just sent you into cardiac arrest, relax, you are not alone. Parents everywhere start to panic even when their teens try to mention dating, but it doesn’t need to be a crisis situation. We have some helpful tips and information that can prepare you to navigate the tricky waters of your child’s dating years.

First of all, this is not a situation where you can afford to put your head in the sand and think that if you ignore it, it will go away. Teens need you as the parent to help them set their boundaries. Rules are important because they help teens to feel safe. Communication is KEY!

When your child first comes to you with the information that they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, we recommend that you sit down with them and ask what their definition of the word is. Depending on their age, it could have a lot of different meanings.

You will need to decide what is appropriate behavior for your child and then clearly define your expectations for them. If you want them to wait until they are married to have sex, then tell them so. After all, they can’t read your mind. Also, beware of sending mixed messages with talk of contraception. When teens hear: I want you to wait until you are married to have sex, but if you do have sex, please use a condom. All they hear is: Use a condom and you can have sex.

When it comes to setting an age that your teen is ready to date...there isn’t a magical number that works for everyone. Be careful not to say when your child is younger “When you turn 16, you can date.” Because your child still may not be mature enough at age 16. Instead tell them that when you feel they have shown that they are mature enough to deal with the issues that come along with dating, then you will sit down with them and discuss it.

Remember, you are the biggest influence in your teen’s life. Don’t be afraid to set the bar high for them and with your help, they can reach it!

They Really Are Different

This week we have been doing some research on how boys and girls brains’ are very different. Some might say, “Well of course they are!” But for years scientists thought there were no differences in the actual physical makeup of a male verses a female brain. It was also thought that the tendencies boys have to play with trucks and dinosaurs were only because their parents gave them those types of toys instead of dolls. Now according to a book called Why Gender Matters, by Dr. Leonard Sax MD, scientists have found major differences in how boys and girls think, in the actual makeup of their brains, eyes, and even their ears.

Many boys in first and second grade were diagnosed with ADD. A recent study has shown that boys actually are somewhat hard of hearing compared to girls. It found that boys, that sit towards the back of the classroom and are chastised for not staying focused, were actually just having a hard time hearing. Girls on the other hand may feel as if they are being shouted at when a male teacher is simply speaking in what he considers a normal tone of voice.

Their eyes are also very different: girls have receptors in their eyes that look at “What is it?” while boys eyes are made to see “Where is it, where is it going?” So when little girls draw a picture, they tend to draw nouns, like families, flowers, and houses, while boys draw verbs, like a rocket ship crashing into earth. The girl’s picture will have lots of warm colors, while the boys may use only one color like black, or gray. If they look at simple things so differently, how do they look at sex different from each other?

Dr. Leonard Sax, MD points out: “In one major study, girls didn’t even list sexual arousal as a reason for having sex. Teenage Girls have sex for other reasons. Girls may hope that having sex will earn them points in the popularity contest, or they may just want to please the boy they are hooking up with, or they may feel pressured either by the boy or by other girls who are having sex”. In regards to boys the author further states: “Boys usually answer the question with a snort. ‘Why wouldn’t I have sex?’ Boys want to have sex because they feel sexually aroused. Simple, base-of-the-brain motivation.”

Why does it matter?

Most people tend to overlook the emotional consequences involved in having pre-marital sex, but these can be just as devastating as an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. In the past people may have thought that there were more consequences for the girls than for the boys, but a study shows that boys who are sexually active are 8 times more likely to commit suicide than those who are not, while a girl who is sexually active is three times more likely to commit suicide than a girl who is abstinent. (Rector RE, et al. The Heritage Foundation 2005)

Here at Step Up Now, we want to ensure both boys and girls are presented the information to make the healthiest decision about sex and relationships in ways that they both can easily understand. We also know that the emotional affects of having sex too soon impacts boys and girls in different, but equally harmful ways.

We believe that equipping both the parent and the student with all the facts about sex and the consequences will empower teens to make the healthiest choice for their goals and their futures.

What Were They Thinking?

If you are talking about a teenager, the answer is: they probably weren’t. New studies have shown that the adolescent brain is far from fully developed until the person reaches their mid twenties. The part that seems the most underdeveloped during that period is the cerebellum where the reasoning and logic skills take place. So instead of teenagers using reason and logic when they make a decision, they use their feelings as they tend to think mostly out of the amygdala where feelings are centered. So to a teen the mantra is “If it feels good, do it!” The truth is that parents are needed to provide support for their teens when it comes to logic and reasoning until their brains are fully formed and all the connections and synapses are made. We here at Step Up Now can provide parents with up to date, medically accurate information to equip them to talk to their kids about the risks associated with pre-marital sex.

We provide Parent Presentations and parent support groups that cover the Big Talk book. If you are interested in attending a support group or presentation, or if you would like to set one up for your church, or organization, please call our Program Specialist, Samantha Alexander at 452-7859 or email her at: sam@akSUNspot.com